Party of One: People-Pleasing

Grand Buffet in February 2013SCRIPTURE VERSE:  Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. ~ Gal 1:10 (NIV)

QUOTE: I am a recovering people-pleaser. (Is that okay?)

With about sixty-five people on my Party of One (a fellowship for those tired of dining alone) contact list, I was determined to please them all.

First, I needed to find a restaurant centrally located in the Amherst-Derry-Hudson-Litchfield-Londonderry-Milford-Nashua-Pelham, New Hampshire area. Easy-peasy. One with ample parking and handicap access;  room to accommodate large parties with little notice; and an ambiance that appealed to the sensitivities of white and blue collars, democrats, republicans, and independents, and intellectuals, holy rollers, and rednecks. No prob.

Of course, the eating establishment’s menu must boast four-star American as well as international cuisine at budget prices. And their team of professional waitpersons must be enthusiastic about providing separate checks and Grand Buffet February 23, 2013takeout containers.

Once I found this perfect restaurant, after factoring in the New England weather, all I’d have to do was select a day that fit everyone’s schedule and a time that best matched any appetite and satisfied all current (and future) medical conditions.

What was I thinking? I can’t even do that when I eat out alone.

I suspected a propensity for people-pleasing. To discover what it was about pleasing people that sucked me in every time, I embarked upon a journey of serious research. Of course, for me, only Google would do.

It didn’t take long to discover that Google was NOT into people-pleasing—because I didn’t like what they had to say.

People-pleasers . . .

  • Like to feel needed
  • Dislike confrontation
  • Put everyone else before themselves
  • Need outside validation
  • Fear being left out
  • Lack confidence
  • Worry about what others think
  • Fear they will fail
  • Fail because pleasing everyone can’t be done
  • And, wonder of wonders, they are stressed

I had to re-think the way I facilitated this fellowship. Here’s what I came up with.

  • Pray! God gave me the idea in the first place, so he will give me the answers I need.
  • I am only responsible for my own actions.
  • Unless someone else is willing to lead, I must make the decisions as best I can.
  • I will make mistakes.
  • My personal priorities—especially the needs of my husband–must come first.
  • I need to nip manipulation in the bud.
  • No day or time or restaurant will ever be a perfect fit for everyone.
  • My choices shouldn’t be dictated by whiners and complainers.
  • I’ll go with the flow and have fun with those who show up.

 God has a master plan and he is the Master. I need to get out of his way and let him work.

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This entry was posted in Ministry Involvement, Party of One Fellowship, Personal Growth and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Party of One: People-Pleasing

  1. These are great reminders Clarice. Thank you!

  2. Word Whacking says:

    As you know Clarice, I’m not God, but I told you not to worry so much. Especially don’t worry about the likes of me who showed up two hours late. Had a wonderful time.
    Noreen

  3. Karen says:

    Enjoyed reading your subject matter. Let’s let God take control again and not be so stressed anymore.

  4. Karen Slawson says:

    Enjoyed your subject matter.  Thx!

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